Is Attachment True Love?

An analogy was used at Brahma Kumaris organization to help us understand why attachment was an emotional deficiency. Twins that are born physically attached to each other are separated by doctors through a surgery. Why? A normal life is not feasible when two bodies are attached. Even when we tie two people with a rope, they cannot function efficiently or effectively. Similarly when a person attaches themselves emotionally to another person, then it ties both and results in suffocation. We as spirits are comfortable when we have full freedom. Attachment captivates us, and it leads to worry and fear.

What causes the deficiency, attachment, to emerge in us?

All human souls desires love because it generates a feeling of comfort in them when they experience love. Who doesn’t want to feel comfortable? A soul has the ability to independently create love and experience love through its thoughts. We start relying on people for love when we forget our identity and its abilities. The soul feels nourished every time it receive love from others. It slowly starts getting attached to people who enable it to experience love. People who are giving it love become sources of love or source of comfort for the soul, and this emerges the deficiency of attachment.

Why does attachment lead to worry and fear?

Emotional attachment to objects or people automatically leads to worry and fear because of their perishable existence. The reality is everything of this physical world is perishable and is constantly changing. Each one of us knows the reality, yet our life does not reflect that truth. We spend our energy and time in protecting or collecting more of the perishable objects, name, fame, and relations. All these things give us momentary pleasures, but also instills a deep fear of losing them. In India, there is a very famous quote that depicts the reality, ‘we have come empty handed and will go back empty handed’. Everything we receive after we take the body is temporary, including our bodies. When we leave the body, can we take anything (degree, title, relation, or money) back with us? Spirituality teaches us to use and enjoy everything we possess but with an understanding that these are all transient and we are not the owners of it. This awareness prevents us from relying on transient things for our emotional stability.

Can one be carefree in an unpredictable world?

We might put in lot of effort in studying, but success is still not guaranteed. We might put energy in taking care of our health, relation, and finances, yet they might still not do well. Since we do not know what will happen the next moment, we worry about health, wealth, and relations. It would have been great if the world ran as per our predictions or if we could control the outcome. Since neither of them are true, how do we stay carefree in an unpredictable world? At Brahma Kumaris, I found out that it is completely possible to stay carefree in an uncertain world. Faith in the goodness, self, God, and fortune leads to carefreeness. Can one maintain faith while living in a dubious world? Since worry is caused due to lack of faith, what other choice to we have? Either we live a miserable life full of worry and fear, or we figure out a way to build faith. I chose the path to free myself from worry by starting to build trust in the self. Two crucial qualities, patience and tolerance, are needed to maintain trust. Even when we sow the seeds of an orange tree in our backyard, lot of patience is needed before the tree starts giving fruits to us. We maintain patience because of the faith that the tree will one day produce oranges. Life requires us to maintain patience and sometimes unlimited patience that all will be well in the end. Patience motivates us to not give up quickly. It also teaches us to put energy in our effort and not in over thinking about the outcome. Patience can be developed when we hold on firmly to the belief that in time our good actions will show positive results. A firm faith on the universal law that, as you sow so shall you reap, enables us to bear the present discomfort and patiently wait for the bright future.

The second quality that is also critical to maintain trust is tolerance. People who do not have capacity to bear the slightest discomfort tend to lose faith and give up quickly. We all know that situations and people do not always turn out as per our liking. Then, shouldn’t be more adjusting and possess the power to tolerate the ever changing world? Can one prevent something from happening by worrying about it? Instead, isn’t it better to develop a tolerance to deal with whatever life throws at us? Tolerance means to stay calm internally even when things externally are going against us. This skill helps in developing confidence in ourselves that we can face challenges. It helps us regain the trust that we can transform tough situations by bearing little discomfort. Tolerance develops when we understand that nothing outside stays the same. We will work on developing this quality when we understand that it makes us self reliant and helps in changing the outside world more efficiently.

An effort that curbs the emotional deficiency, ‘attachment’
Attachment emerges because we feel love can be experienced only when someone gives it to us. At Brahma Kumaris, I received a technique that guarantees a consistent experience of love without any dependencies. That method is the mantra, ‘Giving is receiving’. We cannot feel love from others till we use their words and create the loving feelings within us. For example, a person might genuinely praise us but we will not feel love from them if we doubt their intentions. The person is giving with their pure heart, yet we are unable to receive it because we did not create it through our thoughts. The bottom line is that love can only be experienced when we create loveful thoughts. We have the tool (mind) and the knowledge to create loving thoughts about ourselves or others whenever we want. Hence if we keep the intention of giving love to every being we meet, then we are constantly creating loving thoughts. This effort makes us experience the love first, and then we also receive the love from others in the form of blessings.

In conclusion, I would like to say that it is a reality that the world has become unstable and unpredictable. We still have a way to keep ourselves safe, carefree, and trustful in this negative environment. That way is not by worrying and trying to control things that are out of our control. It is by controlling our doubtful thoughts and maintaining trust that someone out there has better plan for us. Let’s keep our patience and trust, and see if that helps in keeping things outside more stable. We help ourselves, others, and the nature by remaining calm. Wouldn’t the universe oblige by making our lives more peaceful and predictable?