Anger is not a Weapon, but an Enemy!

I recollect a profound real life story that I had read in a book few years back. A teenager boy and his little sister were swinging,  and all of a sudden the 6 year old girl tried to stand up on the swing. She lost her balance and fell down. She was terribly hurt, and the brother started yelling at her for being so dumb. The girl was shocked at her brother’s temper that she even forgot her pain. The young adult later realized his insensitive and merciless behavior towards his small sister. He kept pondering what caused him to go so volatile because his little sister was just being a kid and trying new things. Just then, he recollected being yelled by his father for doing the same thing. Another realization point hit the young adult, and he ran towards his father. He comprehended that his father’s might have inherited the trait of anger from his grandfather. The boy felt that his father deserved mercy because he grew in an environment filled with anger. It must have been hard for his father to unknowingly get angry at his son, and later realize his mistake. The teenage boy had been practicing meditation, and that helped him in surfacing few deep insights about his personality traits. It is important for each for one of us to do a self reflection exercise and see if we are carrying the negative traits of our upbringing, culture, or surroundings. Anger not only burns the self, but it burns many that are around. At Brahma Kumaris we are told that the hurt experienced from anger can last up to 6 months or more. It is one of the most violent vices and hence it is important to cure it with the right spiritual vitamin.

What is the root cause of anger?

Expectations that are unmet or desires that are unfulfilled lead to anger. We set conditions in our mind that our happiness (emotional well being) and self respect depend on some factors. The emotional deficiency of anger increases as the list of unfulfilled desires increases. It is a state where we are waiting, begging, or demanding for others, universe, or God to meet our desires. When others do not oblige, we get irritated, frustrated, or angry. Spirituality tells us that happiness, peace, and love is within us. Self respect means loving the real self, and such a person does not base their respect on others behaviors towards them. Can anything from outside give us peace till we allow it through our thoughts? How long does that kind of peace last? We can experience these pure positive feelings in any circumstance, but we choose to create it selectively. 

The thoughts like, ‘this should have not happened, this is wrong, how can anyone behave like this, this is so unfair, world has become so bad’ make us angry. It is important to understand the difference between ideal outcome and reality. In a perfect world it is good to expect kids to respect elders, every person to be kind and loving, and stability in health and wealth. The harsh reality of this age is that many kids/adults do not have regards for their parent, people are hurting each other with bitter words, and health and wealth rarely stay stable. Is it wise then to keep expecting and lose our core desire of being happy? Or is it smarter to let go of expectations, and do the work of keeping the self happy irrespective of the circumstances and people? Spirituality is a very smart way of gaining unlimited happiness and self respect. When we let go of all expectations (selfish desires), then the Universe and God do the work of meeting our every desire. Isn’t it simpler to just focus on keeping the self happy, and someone else to take care of everything else?

Forms of Anger
We can cure a deficiency fully only when we fully understand its various forms. Let's understand the player against whom we are fighting fully so that we know how it can attack us. Anger takes three different forms:

1. The first form is very easy to understand as it is visible to us and others. We know we are angry when we are screaming at the top of our voice at others, and our whole face turns red. This type of temper not only burns the self, but also burns the others. Typically this loud form of anger starts with a slight irritation, then turns into frustration, and eventually turns into a full fledged anger.
2. The second form is very hidden and is not very easily visible to others. A feeling of revenge, resentment, and jealousy are also subtle forms of anger. We might smile from the outside, but inside we are not happy with others behavior or their success. This form of anger will silently and secretly plan to harm others, or they will want others to fail. 
3. The third type is a royal form of anger, where we justify to others that this type of behavior is needed to maintain law and order (discipline) in today’s world. Bossiness, seriousness, or sternness are all forms of anger. At Brahma Kumaris we are taught that nobody has the right to take law in their hands, and command/impose a change in others. 

What Burns When We Burn in Anger?
It is very important to understand the damage this emotional deficiency, anger, causes. We will automatically start working on giving up the vice when we get full clarity, and deeply understand the losses it causes us to bear. 

1. We are burning inside with rage, and this takes away our ability to think clearly. Can one make right decisions if the thoughts are all muddled?
2. It makes us short sighted and narrow minded. As a result, we cannot adjust, accommodate, or adapt ourselves with different people and situations.
3. It makes us lose our natural state, peace, the most sorted out treasure.
4. Anger takes our spiritual (soul) power and a person who is emotionally weak cannot face situations
5. Our physical health gets affected, and all kinds of issues like high blood pressure start arising in us.
6. Conflicts in relationships increase day by day due to lack of adjustment. Who would want to hang around with a person who gets angry or always wants others to change?

Attitude and Believes that sustain the deficiency, Anger

Unknowingly or knowingly we sometimes sustain an emotional deficiency. Let's expose the thoughts, attitude, and behavior that are causing the vice to sustain before we start taking the Spiritual Vitamins to cure the deficiency

1. Holding on to a belief that anger was inherited and hence expect others to accept our anger. We then use words like,  ‘Anger has always been part of my nature, bossiness runs in my family blood, I am not yelling, my voice has always been loud’. When we have accepted that ‘Anger’ is part of me, then we cannot make efforts to separate from it.
2. An attitude that getting angry once in a while is normal and justified. The reasoning behind this is that people will not complete work till you are serious, stern, or use a loud voice against them. Sentences like, ‘Anger is needed to get work done’, ‘People only understand the language of force’, ‘Anger is natural, who does not get angry’. If anger is justified, then how can we give it up?

Spiritual Vitamins for Eradicating Anger

We are given a combinations of different vitamins to eradicate the emotional deficiency of anger. The vitamins will take effect only if we exercise (meditation) our mind daily by emerging these knowledge points (spiritual vitamins) many times throughout the day.

1. Acceptance is an antidote to expectations. When we accept the reality, let go of our expectations, and do the inner work of keeping ourselves happy, then anger gets dissolved. 
2. Our happiness is our responsibility, then why expect it from others? Isn’t it wiser to keep the most important remote control of happiness with us rather than letting others control it?
3. Giving respect finishes the desire of wanting respect, and when we finish this desire my experience is that we automatically receive regard from all.
4. A deep understanding that nothing from outside can give us real peace. In the long run, these emotional dependencies make us weaker and reliant on others.
5. A realization that anger is an enemy and it causes us a huge loss. We need to talk to ourselves, what is more important - our emotional stability and inner strength or limited desires?
6. An understanding that it is easier to control the self, rather than making a futile effort of controlling situations and people. We go out of control (fertile soil for anger to emerge) every time we try to control the outside world.

How to generate acceptance during health issues?

It is a reality that inspite of us doing everything to take care of the body, it can still go through issues beyond our control. We have the option to get frustrated with the body, or we can maintain our calm and take care of the body. It is no rocket science to understand that body heals faster when we are stable and optimistic. We have to talk to ourselves that, "nobody in this world has perfect health and everyone's bodies goes through ups and downs. I can tolerate the discomfort, remain patient, and let the medicine heal the body in time". 

How do we create acceptance of people who are insensitive, critical, or lazy?
We automatically generate compassion towards physically handicapped people. We do not expect them to do physically intense work, instead we go out of the way to help them out. Similarly, behaviors of being insensitive, critical, or lazy are signs of being emotionally handicapped. They are emotionally weak and hence have these negative traits. We need to maintain mercy towards them and not expect them to change on their own. They need power to change, and by getting angry at them we take away their power even more. Instead of expecting them to change on their own, we should give them the power of our good wishes (acceptance) that their deficiencies finish quickly. We should send them blessings that may they become emotionally healthy again.

In conclusion, the emotional deficiency anger is detrimental to emotional stability, physical health, relationships, and work. We think others are responsible for our happiness, and we get angry when others do not oblige to our requests. Spirituality teaches us to use the virtue of acceptance, tolerance, and patience to overcome situations when things go against our will. These virtues make us self reliant as opposed to anger that makes us a slave of others. Who would you want to be  - a master or a slave?