Understanding Habits

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Image result for understanding habitsLet's visualize a life with perfect and accurate habits. We woke up on time, ate well balanced meal, exercised, meditated, punctual, remained carefree, produced high quality work, sustained great relationships, etc. How wonderful would such a life be where everything happened effortlessly with perfection and accuracy? The word ‘consistent’, ‘always’, ‘regular’ are default adjectives of habits as habit is something that is consistently practiced. Indeed habits that develop into personality traits define us, and that is why habits are powerful as they can make us or break us. If our personality wavers between being carefree and anxious, then we have not given the time to fully understand and develop the powerful trait of being carefree. A partially developed habit does not have as much impact as the one that is fully developed. The Raja yoga meditation and spiritual knowledge I learnt at Brahma Kumaris have completely transformed many negative habits, some are partially transformed, and others need more work. The positive results I see in every sphere of life due to transformed habits encourages me to put full effort in applying more bleach of spiritual knowledge on the remaining tough habits.

Why is it hard to change habits?

The biggest roadblocks in changing habits is not lack of time, people, etc, but we ourselves are responsible for not changing. We come up with very creative excuses and justification for not changing. The other reason is we doubt ourselves by calling ourselves incapable or weak. Below is a list of categories of stories we tell ourselves to keep habits that are damaging.

Somebody else planted this habit in me

If we are telling ourselves the stories below then we are bitten by this bug that somebody else is responsible for this habit in us. Ask yourself, how can anyone make you do things that you don’t want to do?
  • My great great grandparents to my parents, everyone has this habit of drinking tea 10 times a day.
  • Anger is in our family’s genes or blood. Will blood transfusion from a peaceful person help?😉

Survival in this world is only possible with these habits

Is it the survival of the self or our survival in the world😉? Below are the stories that we tell to keep the ugly habits or personality traits:
  • Bossiness/Anger is needed to get work done in this world
  • Only crooked and unethical people can do well
  • Lies are needed to protect the dear ones

Want to change but very hard to change

We have never really (or barely) tried to change the habit and justify it by calling it very hard. May be some habits have been practiced for a very long time, and hence more time is needed to change them. Using the word ‘hard’ means giving signal to our mind that it is IMPOSSIBLE to change.

Too weak to change

Maybe we ourselves or a close relative always doubted our capabilities and called us weak. The persona that we are incapable prevents us from changing ourselves.
Don’t announce it to everyone that you are planning to change
Sometimes we get very excited that we have finally made up our mind to change. In that excitement, we announce it to everyone. This is adding unnecessary pressure on the self. People will anyways know eventually that we have changed. Why not surprise them with actual change than possible change?

Negative Self Talk

Guilt, criticism, or derogatory self talk will not help in changing the habits as they take away the strength, confidence, and enthusiasm that is needed to change a deeply practiced habit. Each one of us has some special and some not so special habits. We should pat our backs for great job in forming good habits. We need to boost ourselves and raise our self esteem to bring about a change in the self.

Power of Habits

    • Habits enable us to be efficient, and as a result we can perform even difficult tasks effortlessly. For example I make waffles for my kids almost everyday and feel that even in my sleep I can make the waffle (:-).
    • Our personality is a bunch of habits put together, hence they define us. Good habits make us and bad habits break us.
    • Habits bring finesse to our action
    • The more we practice a habit, the more deeply it is ingrained in us. 
    • Consistency and regularity becomes natural. If you have a habit of getting up early, then even if you sleep late you will still get up early. 
    • Can lead to obsession, addiction, and helplessness.

    Spiritual Bleach (Knowledge) for Cleansing Habits

    Maintain Faith = Courage and Enthusiasm

    Our original personality traits when we came into this world were accurate and perfect. The simple proof of that is everyone in this world at the end of the day is craving for peace and happiness. We will not have a single being say that they can’t wait to get angry as they have not practiced anger for the entire day. The spirit or the soul is comfortable only in its natural form - completely pure, peaceful, and happy. At some point, we were perfect and hence we crave to go back to our original self. The deep faith that we were perfect and can become perfect again, generates a lot of courage and enthusiasm. Envision yourself as a changed person, the one who is performing day to day activity with the new habit. Visualization increases faith, and we will experience as if the new habit is already part of us and that the old habit actually never existed.
    Persistence and Patience - nothing is permanent in this world
    Is there anything that is permanent in this world? It's a fact that some habits take more time and energy to change whereas some take lesser time. Habits that have been practiced for a long time (maybe in the past birth too) need persistence, patience and maturity. The quality of maturity enables us to be patient and loving with ourselves when the journey to change a habit seems tough. It enables us to not make a hasty decision and sign ourselves off from changing the habit. It is important to be aware (alert) about every step we take, even if it is not the right step. Let’s keep observing what is happening. If we don’t progress for a long time, let's not give up or move back. We should instead stay there and just observe things as they are, just as an on-looker. Once slowly, our mind adapts to the situation, it will automatically find a way however small it may be. We should take those small baby steps, and soon we will see the impossible happen and a deeply practiced habit will change.

    In conclusion, I would like to add that I was living an ordinary life just taking care of the self and family (even birds do that). Forming good habits like getting up very early in the morning, meditation, and reading positive articles/books has freed up time to do something above ordinary with my life. The respect I have for the self as a result has gone up significantly, and life seems very beautiful and promising

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