Dynamics of Relationships - Why are Some Sweet and Others Sour?

Imagine a bank where you never deposited anything, yet there was a constant inflow of money into your account. The more money you withdrew from the bank, the more money got deposited. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have an account in such a bank? Unfortunately, such a bank does not exist in real world. A real bank account is empty or has little money if we have only withdrawn money and never deposited anything. We have to pay huge fines to the bank if the monthly payments are not done in time for the loan taken. Bankruptcy will have to be filed if we fail to deposit money for an elongated period of time. In today’s world many people feel emotionally bankrupt inspite of investing heavily in some relationships. A physical bank can chase us for a debt only till we (soul) are in the body, but debt between souls will chase us even after soul has left the body (death). I received a third eye at Brahma Kumaris that enabled me to understand the credit and debts I, the soul, had created over multiple births. I was inspired and awakened by the knowledge and firmly decided that it is time for me to settle the debts I had created while playing many roles in this world drama. I started feeling lighter and peaceful as I slowly started clearing the debts I had created in some relationships. It felt so empowering that I could on my own heal the relationships that I might have knowingly or unknowingly spoilt in the past.
Reasons for Sourness in Relationships

Some relationships feel like a bank where we keep depositing lot of money (love), and yet the account shows zero balance or debt. We start wondering why is the account (relationship) not healthy inspite of paying multiple installments (good behavior). An answer to this question cannot be found if we look at it with the limited vision of this birth. Many people complain (including myself) that they have invested everything they possessed in relationships, and yet the other person is not happy with them. The limited thinking of this life creates either aggression or depression in us. Only, unlimited thinking gives us the root cause of sourness in relationships. The unlimited vision tells us that we have to settle the debts we created in the past. The third eye of knowledge tells us that we are not meeting our close ones for the first time. Our close relationship are people from whom we either have taken a lot of debt or given credit through actions (karma). The closeness in relationship is only way people can exchange energy (through karma and interactions) constantly so that the account from the past can be settled.  In the past life, if a relationship ended with lot of debt from our side then the relationship in this birth will be sour and bitter.
How do debts get created in relationship?
Energy is exchanged in relationship through thoughts, words, actions, and interactions. The energy is positive when it is filled with positive emotions like respect, benevolence, and mercy. The energy that we radiate through our action is eventually received by us in the same form (As you sow, so you shall reap). Results of the actions filled with negative feelings of anger, jealousy, or revenge will come back to us sometimes immediately, in few months, or later in future. We care so much about financial debt, but rarely are we told about debts we create through our actions. It is ignorance and carelessness that causes us to not pay attention to the feelings behind our interactions. If the ignorance continues in the next birth, then we would be very frustrated in clearing the debt that we don’t remember creating. Meditation helps in keeping attention on every thought, word, and actions. The practice enables us to ensure that we are not creating more insolvency in relationships.
Does Karma Knowledge Lead to Inaction?

Understanding the knowledge correctly will enable us to take the right course of action and prevent us from overdrawing more in relationships where we already have debts. Let's take an example to understand this better. Imagine two very close family friends who start a business together. In few years their business flourishes and results in lot of profit. One of the friend gets greedy and tricks the other friend to sign away the entire business in his name. The friend that has been robbed off everything has three choices. First choice would be to create aggression and take revenge. That path will lead to more restlessness and may result in him being imprisoned. The second choice would be depression and that will not only cause pain to the self but to the entire family. These two choices are a result of limited vision of this birth that the friend has wronged him, and robbed him off every penny. Spiritual knowledge gives us a third choice that enables acceptance and holding ourselves accountable too for the misfortune. Indeed the actions of the friend that cheated are wrong, but it is a return of the wrong action that was done by the other friend in one of the past births. Hence both are responsible for the current situation and not just one of them. It requires lot of courage and power to accept a mistake that we cannot see with our limited vision. Ego prevents us from thinking that we could have done something wrong. When the friend holds himself responsible too, it generates an energy of acceptance of the situation and the friend’s action. Since the one that has robbed him off is responsible too, the friend takes legal course of action and fights the case ethically and peacefully. Many people who are unable to accept that they might have wronged anybody have tried hypnosis that takes them through past life regression. This technique is being used by many to understand the cause of bitterness in current relationship. Spirituality encourages us to have faith in the fairness of the world drama and create an energy of acceptance. This energy finally settles the debts that we created and results in complete healing. I highly encourage you to try this method as I have used it many times to heal some of my sour relationships. In my morning meditation, I bring the image of the person with whom I have challenges. I pay attention to their forehead and visualize their soul shining like a star. I create thoughts of sincere apologies for the wrong actions performed in the past. Then, I also send vibrations of peace, love, and power to the soul. I have felt light after practicing this and to me the relationship seems like it has already healed. The other person might take time or not transform at all. Does it even matter given that we feel the relationship has healed? How empowering is it if the behavior of the person (in bitter relationship with) has stopped influencing or affecting us?
Will the Debt Every Clear?
Many people say for how long do they have to give when they get nothing in return. People take advantage if you just keep giving. How long should we keep respecting them when all they do is disrespect us? It is important to ask ourselves, are we clearing the debt (by giving them respect) or are we asking others to give us more credit (respect)? The complete faith in the laws of the universe will prevent us from expecting anything as we understand that we will inevitably receive the energy transmitted by us through our actions. The other person involved in the challenging relationship will reciprocate when the account gets not only settled but has the credit of our good wishes. They might not reciprocate quickly if the debt was too big. The important fact is that this knowledge helps us in keeping our sanity as it gives us the reason for someone’s bitterness.
We should move away from the relationship by keeping distance if there is utter disrespect of physical violence or defamation. We could also speak up against the abusive verbal or physical attack. While doing all this, our inner being should be calm as it still understands that we are responsible too for the current situation. We are told at Brahma Kumaris if someone is not giving respect, then you start giving more so that the account gets settled. How contrasting is this beautiful knowledge (enables us to settle the account) to the current belief systems that cause us to copy others’ behavior and return disrespect (and hence increase the debt even more)?
How to Maintain Self Esteem if We Have Wronged?
Truth is truth, whether we accept it or not. Truth enables us to become calm and if we are not feeling peaceful then we are far from the complete truth. What is the point of an esteem based on lies that we are good and others are bad? Truth sometimes can be overwhelming to accept because we cannot see our past life. It takes lot of courage and strength to accept our unseen mistakes. The key is to also think of our beautiful relationships as they are an indication of what we did right in the past. It is good to forgive the self by talking to ourselves, ‘we didn't know better and hence took wrong actions, but now we know better so let's fix it’. The bottom line is that each one of us has virtues and weaknesses, and as a result we have performed good and bad actions. Humility enables us to accept the self fully, and take the responsibility of cleaning the part we don’t like.
Third Eye of Knowledge Helps in Accepting People
Expectations are the biggest reason for conflicts in relationship. The conflicts do not resolve because both the parties are expecting the other person to oblige/change. Ego that is based on ignorance prevents the parties from changing. Isn’t it ignorance that we don’t want to bend, but would rather be angry and sad till the other person bends? Spiritual knowledge educates us that we do not need to wait for others to change to keep ourselves happy. Why expect others to do the hard work for our happiness? Acceptance is the antidote to expectations. We have many expectations from people - gross (how they should walk, talk, eat, dress etc.) and subtle (behave, mingle, traits, etc). Ego tells us that we are right and that our expectations are reasonable, basic, and necessary. We have reasons for why we are right, but guess what the other party also has their set of reasons for being right. We need third eye to fully understand people and the reason for their incorrect behavior. Just using the two eyes will make us quickly declare others wrong, become critical of them, and dismiss them. I was made to realize at Brahma Kumaris that judging and dismissing people is not greatness, but a sign of ego. It is very easy to dismiss people for their behavior or action. A great, wise, and merciful soul will maintain their good wishes for people that are emotional weak (anger, cheating, timid, unethical, etc). How can one be merciful towards a person who is critical, unethical, or yells? The third eye tells us that this soul has been on a journey. It prevents us from using the limited knowledge of this birth to make conclusions of their incorrect behavior. In one of the previous birth, the soul’s upbringing or environment caused it to inherit these negative traits. Our mercy and love are the only ingredients that will give the soul the power to overcome the negative traits. We all have weaknesses and inspite of wanting to change them we are unable to change. This thought finishes the ego that we are perfect and others are bad.