Ego - Stops Growth and Makes us Stagnant

Many books related to self realization have been published as that is the most sorted topic all over the world. We all want to know ourselves accurately and completely. Science has helped us a lot in understanding the perishable aspect of our existence, physical body. Science explains how the body gets created in the womb, but what gives that physical body life? Is it just blood, flesh, and bones that make it a living being? Is it just the heart and brain that allow it to make decisions? Can a dead body that has blood, flesh, bones, heart, and brain make any decisions on how it should be cremated or buried? It is clear that we do not know ourselves, and Spirituality (education of the spirit) answers these questions beautifully. I have felt so light and beautiful after understanding myself through Brahma Kumaris Spiritual knowledge. That understanding is slowly helping me curb the emotional deficiency, ego.

What is Ego?

It is a false identification, or incorrect image of the self. Identifying the self as a bodily being or associating the self with titles/roles acquired after taking the body are not our absolute truth. These identities are temporary, perishable, and even during their temporary existence they constantly fluctuate. Can one claim to be a physically beautiful person, richest man in the world, or popular athlete forever?

Why does Ego lead to arrogance and disheartenment?

The bodily identities are of limited, perishable, and inconsistent nature. We try hard to make it permanent and remain the same. For example, a chef might want to always make the best dishes so that he always maintains the identity of top notch chef. Inspite of his passion and hardwork, he is unable to always sustain that title. When the chef sustains the title, arrogance starts to emerge in him. Whenever he is unable to maintain the top image, he gets disheartened

Signs of being affected by the emotional deficiency, ego

A person who is affected by superiority complex (ego) will feel insulted very easily. An egoistic person cannot stand any kind of negative feedback, accept advice, or disagreement to their opinion. A person with high self esteem (ego) think s/he is the best, and hence whatever they think, say, or do is automatically the best.

A person who is affected by inferiority complex (ego) will not be able to see any good in their life. They will be impressed by others life and feel depressed about not having anything.

What are the side effects of being egoistic?

Ego leads to many other deficiencies in us, and hence realizing the damage it causes and finding ways to eradicate is very important.

• A person that is self centered cannot adjust with others, they can only get along with people who follow their orders unconditionally.
• A self absorbed person cannot understand others as they expect others to understand them.
• Thinks that only their ideas and decisions are the best. Hence the end product or project lacks creativity due to lack of contribution from others.
• Loneliness becomes part of their life as they find it hard to accommodate or adjust with others
• Even slightest disagreement seems like a huge disrespect to them, and hence they constantly fluctuate between high and low emotional states.
• Cannot learn and grow as a feeling exists that they are best at everything and know whatever needs to be known.
• In constantly battle with life and want to control it as per their wish. The more they try to control life, the more their emotions go out of control.

What is the antidote to Ego?

Incorrect identification of the self creates a superiority or inferiority complex in us. Self respect arises when we associate ourselves with the right identity. Ego is lack of self respect, and makes us dependent on others for self esteem. We become independent when we are on our own able to consistently generate pure respect for the self.

Self esteem that is based on money, external beauty, or a degree will fluctuate because it is dependent on external factors. We cannot get everyone to respect education degree, physical beauty cannot remain the same, and money is a perishable entity. The external factors are sometimes favorable, and hence it leads to superiority complex. At other times we find the whole world is going against us and we start feeling very low about the self. The basis of ego is on perishable things and that is what causes the emotions to fluctuate so much.

Self respect gets generated when we identify ourselves as beautiful souls, conscient energy that is metaphysical. The faith and realization that, “I am a unique, special, incredible, and valuable not because of the titles or praises, but because ‘I am’.  I am an eternal peaceful soul and will always be.” This awareness allows me to take feedback from others and responds to others with our quality of peace. We start taking the critical feedback and make changes if needed to improve ourselves. We start understanding that our real beauty is in maintaining our inner calm, which is our true identity. This understanding leads to the realization that life starts unfolding beautifully when we are seated in our self respect of being a peaceful soul.

Self respect automatically gets us respect from others

The biggest difference between ego and self respect is that the former wants regard from others, and the latter wants to give regard to others. Can a person who is expecting, give something to others? For example, can a utterly poor person donate money? Egoistic person is very poor in self respect and hence they cannot give regard to others ideas, perspective, or achievements.
A person seated in the seat of self respect is not looking for anything as they are already filled with pure respect for the self. A person who is full tends to automatically give to others in their every interaction. They understand that giving disregard to others will take away the regard they have for the self. Anything that you have to give to others has to be created first and that creation is felt by the creator. A person filled with pure pride gives regard to every soul and hence automatically receives regards from others. Who does not want to hang out with an easy going person, the one that does not have any expectations and is not holding on to their ideas?

How do we give regard to people who don’t deserve it?

At Brahma Kumaris we are given knowledge that helps us discern between beneficial and harmful actions (thoughts, words, and action). We have to create disregard if we have to give it to someone. Anything that we create is first experienced by us. Then we experience disregard again because as per the law of universe we get what we transmitted to the universe.
Giving regard to the ones that are nice to us is very easy, and anybody can do it. We are the most elevated creation of the world because we have an intellect that can discern. We have the potential to give regard to the ones that oppose, belittle, or criticize us. Realizing that potential makes us elevated beings.

In conclusion, the biggest drawback of ego is that it prevents any kind of growth - be it spiritual or non-spiritual. If you are already the best in everything, then there is no scope of learning or improving. A person with self respect considers themselves as a student of life and considers life as the best teacher. They do not miss out on learning from every individual they meet. The irony is that they want to learn but unknowingly end up teaching many others the valuable lesson of being humble.